Melissa Edwards
Alex (17. Male) has been sent by his mum to get the laundry before he can go out and ‘party’ with his friends.
While grudgingly doing so he looks for a basket to collect the clothes. He sees one in the corner of the yard and starts to collect the laundry. He drops a sock into the basket and gets another to see there is nothing in the basket. He wonders where it has gone but puts the other sock in the basket to visibly see it not there. He ponders for a second (thinks he’s tripping) and steps into the basket.
Alex has been transported to another version of his yard/house where a granny now lives. At first she seems friendly. That’s after he’s taken a sip of beer that was sitting on the table. Then she suspiciously puts her basket away. He starts to sense the creepiness and the horniness. He needs to find that basket to escape…but the drink was spiked and he is delirious and can’t orient himself to find the basket with the granny trying to come on to him.
Michel Gondry style. Drama/comedy. Quirky.
Ollie
Synopsis: A young, married couple have a relationship that is well and truly on the rocks. So much so that they refuse to share a bed together, instead isolated in separate rooms. The man, Sam Simmons, is a mildly successful yet neurotic playwright who seems to have neglected his wife through sheer force of his narcissism. The woman, Kath, is somewhat of a sassy lass who has almost entirely run out of patience and love for her betrothed. The two interact with a highly sarcastic back-and-forth that thinly veils their bitterness and heart-ache.
The film takes place mid-morning, in the couple’s rather roomy kitchen. Sam has emerged from the guest bedroom to which he has been exiled, and goes about his morning routine of coffee, bagels and more coffee. It is not long before Kathy enters. Sam makes his usual sarcastic jibes, but this morning Kathy is not having a bar of it. Instead she goes about her business silently, though a pang of guilt is visible on her face. Sam keeps pushing her, until she drops the bomb. The night before, she had an affair. With another man. In their marital bed. Oh and yeah the man is still in their bedroom slumbering.
For possibly the first time in his life, Sam is temporarily speechless. Despite the coldness of her action, Kathy shows some remorse and warmth towards Sam, apologizing for making a mistake. 3 times.
Sam, his ego wounded, throws this back in her face by doing what he does best; lying horrifically. Two can play at the cheating game; he also committed adultery last night. With a girl. Who is still asleep in the adjoining room. This is, of course, entirely false. Yet now Kathy feels the stab of jealously, and a full-blown argument begins, with Sam elaborately spinning a web of lies that is in danger of imploding at any minute. Do they in fact still love each other after all? And what will happen when the third party awakens and enters the kitchen?
Jess O’Farrell
Sarah and Charlie
Police Officer Charlie Shaw (24) lives with Sarah Shaw (22.) One Saturday morning, Sarah wakes up to find Charlie playing video games, and the remains of a cooked breakfast that Charlie had made for only one. Sarah’s suggestions of spending the day together are rejected when Charlie informs her he’s seeing his mates. Charlie leaves and we witness Sarah’s very lonely day of tears and glass-throwing-tantrums, revealing an apparent mood disorder. The day passes. Sarah hurries to clean the broken glass off the floor when she hears Charlie arriving home. Upon arrival Charlie notices the broken glass in the bin, which triggers him to check Sarah’s medicine. Charlie asks Sarah why she hasn’t taken her medicine, which instigates a discussion about the conditions by which Sarah is allowed to live with Charlie. It is revealed the couple are in fact brother and sister. Sarah is enraged at the mention of the word ‘Sister,’ when it is clear she is in love with Charlie. Charlie attempts to restrain her episode, whilst the camera tracks rapidly to reveal an empty firearm holster in Charlie’s Police officer belt. During the struggle, Sarah produces the gun, and the pair wrestle for the weapon. A black screen and a shot are seen and heard, followed by the sound of a fallen body.
Esther Ho
Adam (33) comes from a broken family in Perth. His father died when he was 3 but when he was 5 years old, his mother remarried. Adam hates his stepfather but this hatred grew when his mother gave birth to his stepbrother- Peter. At this time, Adam was just 6 years old. His mother and his stepfather died in an accident when he was 22. Through his mother and stepfather’s life insurance, Adam and Peter received an amount of $200,000. Adam left for Melbourne to work as a teacher in St. Joseph School while Peter decided to stay in Perth. They haven’t contacted each other for 7 years. Adam is promoted to headmaster due to his ability to work hard. He is a real perfectionist and immaculate in his work and personal life. He believes that anything is possible through his hard work and dedication. He has a successful career and he has a beautiful fiancé who comes from a wealthy family. They are planning to get married in the coming winter. Everyone has secrets but there is one that Adam has kept from his fiancé. Peter (27) on the other hand has not been as fortunate and is now a problem gambler. Peter comes to visit St. Joseph in search of Adam. He wants money from Adam because he owes a lot of money to loan sharks. Peter knows that Adam will pay and threatens him by saying he will reveal the secret that he has known for 7 years. What will Adam do and what has Adam been hiding all these years.
It is 8pm, everyone in school leaves except Adam. He is still working on some documents in his office. He concentrates on typing those documents. Suddenly, someone is knocking on his door. It is Peter. Adam is shocked when he sees Peter and what Peter is trying to say to him scares him out.
Lucy Forge
Samantha is a 31-year-old Mother who has not allowed anyone to see her without make-up since she was 11 years old. She would vigorously argue that she leads a charmed, perfect life, yet she is stuck in a loveless marriage and the only sense of purpose she derives is from pushing her 5 year old daughter to succeed in dance and singing eisteddfods. She is brittle, aggressive, selfish and unlikeable. Although she would never admit it even to herself, she hasn’t felt truly loved since she was younger than her daughter
The two ride the same elevator: Jonno to the 23rd rooftop floor, and a flustered, angry Samantha to the 14th floor where her daughter is waiting for a tutu that was left behind in the car. Samantha is rude to Jonno, who shrinks into the corner, closing his eyes and thinking only of floating through the sky like a feather.
Then the lift stops at the 10th floor.
Samantha’s anger and frustration builds, and she starts attacking Jonno, asking where he was going anyway, what, to the top floor to jump off? With his silence and misery as her answer, Samantha begins to break down. The reality of her immediate physical situation—being stuck in a lift with a man about to commit suicide—becomes increasingly clear to her as her larger life reality and unhappiness begins to loom large. Her agitation turns into a severe panic attack and she vomits into her daughter’s tutu. She is suddenly emotionally naked and vulnerable, and Jonno is forced to decide whether to continuing ignoring her and maintaining his invisibility, or help her. He begins to calm her and they share a conversation in which they are both honestly seen by another human for the first time in years.
The lift starts working again, and Samantha gets out at the 12th floor, shaken but clearly touched and grateful. Jonno gets out at the top floor, pauses, then takes the fire escape stairs and leaps down them two at a time. He bursts out the front door of the building and we look up with him to see birds, floating through the air, weightless like feathers, but alive.
Thomas Farnan Campitelli
The Sad Girl
The girl walks alone down a street at night, her portly figure jiggles as she walks. A tall, skinny girl and a handsome boy pass her; she immediately looks down to the safety of her feet.
She picks up her phone and calls her friend. She confesses that she has been depressed for a long time and expresses that she doesn’t want to live anymore. Her friend is short fused, and rude; assuming her to be drunk and hormonal.
***
Down by the train station an unkempt, suspicious looking man runs through backstreets. He moves in distress and yells for help. His cries go unheard by all but the one chasing him.
***
Shattered by her friend, she stomps, kicks over things and throws stones at bricks. She yells out that she has no one, how her life is a misery.
***
The man is attacked. His apprehender is quick and cold, leaving him severely bloodied and broken boned. He cries out to the streets. No one is there to help.
***
Over her moans she hears cries of another in distress. It is what sounds like a man being attacked. Walking towards the sound, she turns a corner and the beaten man materializes. He’s on his own. He reaches toward her in despair. She runs to him, but stops before she’s too close. In spite, she turns around; remembering how she was treated by her friend. She states to him that she can’t trust him, that she doesn’t know if he’ll try and hurt her.
She turns around and smiles to herself.
Ryan Gasparini
The infomercial continues to play in the background as Nigel eventually finds his phone buried deep beneath the litter on the ground. He begins dialing the number, but the phones battery is low and switches off. He throws the phone into the wall in frustration and runs to the house phone hanging on the wall. He begins pressing the buttons but as he is doing this he hears a voice over the phone state that unfortunately as he has not used this line in over 6 months, it has been shut off. Nigel falls to the ground and almost gives up, but as he lies on the ground he hears what sounds like a young woman laughing and talking to someone on the phone outside his apartment. He jumps up and runs to his front door.
Nigel opens the door and spots the woman on the phone, standing just above the stairs. She sees him and is startled because Nigel is staring at her with a lustful, terrifying look in his eyes. Nigel sprints at her and she screams, but Nigel is too quick and takes her phone, knocking her down the stairs in the process. He dials the number for the third time, this time with success. Nigel eventually gets through to an operator and is told he has successfully placed an order for the sword. He hangs up, and a feeling of utter relief showers over him. He sees the woman at the bottom of the stairs is not moving and stares at her for some time before throwing the phone down at her limp body and walking casually back into his apartment.
Jay (early 20s) is an addict with a difference. A tough guy on the outside, his bulging biceps and unshaven appearance exude masculinity. His demeanor is tough and his inarticulacy apparent through the common use of the words ‘bro’ and ‘fully’. One early morning he makes his way down the street to a set of dingy commission flats and knocks on a door. His eyes are bloodshot, breathing ragged and hands shaking. Dave, a dealer, is a middle-aged porky man with a hairy chest and eternally greasy hair. He comes to the door and proceeds to talk to Jay through the doggy-door, suspicious of him and disgruntled at being woken at such an early hour. Jay begs Dave for ‘just a quick hit’ and visibly becomes more distressed as Dave dismisses his pleas. Dave doesn’t trust Jay and interrogates him on how he found out about him, doesn’t have the correct change for the large notes Jay has to pay him, and grumbles that Jay should really have his own stash if he needs it that bad. Jay quickly dismisses this idea, maintaining that his father would ‘beat him fucken senseless if he found that stuff in the house bro’. They finally exchange money through the doggy-door and Dave asks Jay how much time he has, and what it is exactly that he wants. Jay only has a couple of minutes and asks for a ‘quick one’. Dave tells him that he has a good ‘real sweet’ one and Jay, looking excited, eagerly accepts. Dave tells him to hold on a moment, disappears behind the doggy door, and a moment later swings open the front door. He is sitting on a chair dressed in a Twilight franchise t-shirt, and holding a book. He begins to read:
‘He raised his free hand and placed it gently on the side of my neck.
“Bella, I couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt you.” Edward leaned in and pressed his cold lips to my forehead, intoxicating me with the scent of his sweet breath.’
Jay leans black and closes his eyes, an indulgent smile creeping across his face. He is finally at ease.
I found the feedback I got from my synopsis in credibly helpful and really exactly what I needed to make my script more dynamic and more dramatically interesting, rather than just concluding a full rounded film. Here is the feedback I got:
- make the wife more spiteful, build up the tension further and further- Christine suggested that by the wife simply just selling the records it concludes the drama and there is nothing to take it any further, she suggested that I make the wife more malicious, by giving him some type of task, like a deadline- you can’t finish the collection of that artist. Ruby added to this further by saying that perhaps the wife wants something from Ryan and wont let him buy a record until he does that for her. I really need to think about this because I think stopping Ryan from doing something will really send him crazy and heighten the drama.
- Christine also suggested that I could have an open ending, which because of all this talk about resolution I thought I really needed to tie up the ending. Christine however said that my film sounded too much like Act One, where the rest of the film Ryan would be trying to win her back. She suggested that perhaps it ends with the wife in the process of leaving Ryan, but has not actually left yet. I’m imagining the ending being them still in tension sitting next to each other on a couch, her with divorce papers in her hands and him with a record. There is no conclusion, but it is at the verge of a conclusion.
- I also got some feedback when Christine said to another person in the class that she could tell that my approach to my film was an Engligh, Frenchy approach, which I had not taken into much consideration. I like films about relationships because I think they’re really interesting, especially about love and marriage and things like that, which come up a lot in French and English films, they are bounded by relationships. Relationships drive the film. In thinking about my film I want to make it quirkier, especially through Ryan there is something quite quirky about people that are obsessed with collecting things and I want my short film to almost be a battle between his wife and him. He has to make a choice, because she has forced him too. Therefore there is also a pyschological battle going on in Ryan’s head, do his record’s mean more than his marriage?
- Another bit of feedback I got from Christine when she was talking to someone else concerned consequences, what is at stake? This is easy for Ryan, he has two things at stake- his record collection and his marriage. However, it is more than that when people collect things it is nostalgic, it reminds them of something and keeps reminding them of something that they really enjoy and get a lot of happiness from. I want their marriage to be at breaking point, I want my film to capture a moment of crisis. He will come home with a record instead of some petty bit of furniture, which sends his wife into a spiteful rage, in which she declares that she won’t allow him to buy any more records, until he does some type of huge favour for her, or something like that. This leads to termoil because Ryan has bought atleast one record a week for his whole life, and now she has cracked and said no more. This puts Ryan into a world he hasn’t been in before and as he attempts to do his wife a favour all he can think about is records, and therefore avoids doing the favour as he is completely lost in his own self pity and his wife feels no sympathy towards him, in fact she quite enjoys it. When Ryan cracks and buys a record instead of the favour his wife almost pyschotically starts signing divorce papers, the last scene ends with her with divorce papers and him with a record sitting and staring at one another.
However, I want neither of these characters to be that strong in character they are quirky, but they’re not brave and they do things instinctively. Therefore her rage is almost out of nowhere, because she is so fed up. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the lamp. I need to keep thinking and really establish the core of the conflict. However, I kinda want the whole thing to be kinda petty.
To his wife’s dismay Ryan’s passion has always been records, his collection being his pride and joy. One day when Ryan comes home with a record instead of buying a lamp for his wife a full blown argument escalates. Out of a jealous fit of rage his wife packs up and sells all records, which devastates Ryan.
As Ryan seeks all his lost possessions, he is oblivious to the fact that his wife is packing her things, organising divorce papers and has already left by the time Ryan discovers the truth. On finding the divorce papers he returns to his retrieved collection and starts playing a record, as the song plays out he realises that perhaps he is happier without her.
It’s really just something shorter, and something a little more pithy. It gets more to the point.
Ryan’s passion has always been records, his collection being his pride and joy. However, when Ryan comes home with a record instead of a wedding present, his wife decides to seek the perfect revenge. Ryan is shattered, leaves his wife and recovers all his lost records. As he marvels at his new collection, there is one sad truth; he has nothing else.
SO again I have decided to slightly change my storyline, it’s because I think about this way too much and I keep thinking of ways to improve my story. I decided that it would be completely unrealistic for him to leave his wife, because it would be something that he wouldn’t ever think of doing as his life revolves around his record collection. Therefore I really need to change my synopsis. The aim is to still keep the sympathy with Ryan; I think this will be the hardest part of my story. However, I think this could be resolved around clever casting and an innocent almost naive persona. I really need to go into the tedious details of his character. I decided what would happen is that his wife would crack the shits as this would be the last thing to push her over the edge. However, in keeping the sympathies with Ryan I need to make it slightly petty as well. I don’t think a wedding present works because it could confuse the audience, especially when I write it in my synopsis, so for now I will leave it as a favour that Ryan forgot about and instead buys a record. She then sells all his records out of spite and also envy because he always gave the records more attention than she did him. When Ryan comes home to find all his records gone he goes into a mad fit of haing to re-build his collection in which his wife has finally had enough, again he has chosen his records over her. As Ryan obsessively compulsively re-builds his collection his is oblivious to the fact that his wife is currently in the process of leaving him. This could be shown in the background or in parallel scenes. However, I thought it would create this dramatic irony if the audience knows that she is leaving him, when he doesn’t. The bitter-sweet ending revolves around Ryan finding divorce papers, discovering that his wife has left him and returning to his room fulled with records. As he pulls out and puts on a record you cannot tell whether he’s sad or happy. His records mean everything to him but was it worth being with his wife. The resolution lies in the re-building of his record collection.
Ryan comes home and immediately enters a room that encompasses a large amount of records, he opens his bag and places his brand new record neatly into his collection. He greets his wife in the lounge room and they pleasantly exchange conversation, until she asks him if he bought the lamp he was meant to be getting that day. This leads to a full-blown argument that escalates into his wife pressuring him into choosing her over his records, which, due to his obsession he cannot do. Out of a jealous fit of rage his wife packs up all his records and sells them, which horrifies Ryan, and again they argue, where Ryan simply decides to re-build his entire collection. As Ryan seeks all his lost possessions, he is oblivious to the fact that his wife is packing her things, organising divorce papers and has already left by the time Ryan discovers the truth. On finding the divorce papers he returns to his beloved collection of records and starts playing a record, as the song plays out he realises that maybe he is happier.
FIrstly it is important to know what a synopsis is. On Dictionary.com it describes a synopsis as:
a brief or condensed statement giving a general view of some subject
In terms of my short screenplay it will be a condensed version of the script itself, a brief outline of the beginning, middle and end. Christine in our tutorial said to make them as brief as possible, consisting of 2-3 sentences, which should be achievable considering our films are only 5 minutes long. I found a really good site that outlined the process of making a film synopsis, even though it described how to write a synopsis for a feature length film it still applies for a short film as well. It outlines 3 steps, in which it says to divide your film into three equal parts the first third, second third and the last third. It says to start by identifying the main character and core conflict. The main aim of the synopsis is to sell the film, it is the first thing the producer will read and if they don’t like it they wont read your script. After outlining the main character and conflict the site says to:
divulge the major plot points that transpire in the first act of your film.
Ok, so when thinking about my storyline, say my film is 5 minutes long so the first third will be just over a minute and a half. It will being with an equilibrium of Ryan coming home to his wife, where the camera presents a picturesque lifestyle- clean house, etc. The camera shows rooms of the house including a room filled with records and presents as pleasant conversation between Ryan and his wife after he comes home from being out. However, what escalates by the end of this act is that his wife asks him if he got a present for her friends wedding, in which he replies that he instead got a record to add to his collection. Actually I’ve slightly changed this idea, what is first presented to the audience is Ryan coming home with a record and placing it in his record collection in a room before he visits his wife in the loungeroom in which the argument escalates and she goes completely insane at Ryan somewhat unnecessarily. This is the end of the first act. The beginning of their argument.
In the second third of your synopsis according to eHow says to:
Escalate the suspense and risks in your second paragraph
in which it also says to:
only tell us the key scenes and turning points that influence the lead character’s actions. We don’t need to know what any of the peripheral players are doing or every single stop the protagonist makes between Point A and Point B unless it factors into complicating the problem or contributing to its solution.
This is where the conflict should really play out, with a sense of some type of resolution coming right at the end. This section in my film will continue a large fight between wife and Ryan, showing him leaving the house because he doesn’t understand why his wife cannot accept his love of records, and when I say she goes insane I mean it, she completely flips out at him. The end of this scene shows him returning to his house and finding all his records gone, his wife has sold all his records out of spite. Due to this being the height of the conflict, this is the end of the second act.
The third act described by eHow is:
Escalate the suspense and risks yet again in your third paragraph
However, this becomes less apparent because it is a short story there is no time to keep escalating things, you need to get to a resolution. Ryan packs his things and leaves his wife and the next short bit shows him recollecting all his records. Showing him in a fast-forward type of mode filling a room with records again. The conclusion shows him sitting in a room with all his records smiling. However the bitter irony is that he has nothing else, as the camera shows all the other rooms in his house as empty. There is resolution, however there is also something sad about it. His records meant everything to him, that he sacrificed the rest of his life.
There is one more tip that eHow points out and that is:
Too many writers treat the synopsis exercise as if it were a third-grade book report and include cutesy comments such as, “If you want to find out what Farmer McGregor did to the bunnies after they stole his vegetables, you will have to read it yourself.” An agent or production company wants to know that YOU know how to finish the story and that it is a satisying one that ties up all of the loose ends.
I didn’t really know this. I thought there might need to be some type of mystery, however the synopsis really needs to show that you know exactly what your talking about and to what point your script is going to go to. This is my first draft for my synopsis, where I have included all the main plot points:
Ryan’s passion has always been records, his collection being his pride and joy. However, when Ryan comes home with a record instead of a wedding present, his wife decides to seek the perfect revenge. Ryan is shattered, leaves his wif and recovers all his lost records. As he marvels at his new collection, there is one sad truth; he has nothing else.
It still seems a bit clunky to me, however I will keep working on it.
