Eliza (our director) brought our attention to a shot film called Signs that I think encapsulates a near perfect example of our main character Bernard, except with one exception he lacks the murderous quality that we need to capture in Bernard. Jason the main character in Signs is obviously over the monotonous pain of going to work everyday highlighted through the bleak sad expression on his face as he goes through the process of going to work (captured through a montage of him getting to work). Once at work it is obvious that he is an outcast they laugh he doesn’t, when he falls over everyone laughs. It is Jason’s bleak face that would be perfect, especially this beautiful shot where Jason is positioned in the centre of the frame with a look of total unhappiness on his face, which cuts to a panning shot of people at work in confined cubicles. It is this cut that expresses explicitly the isolation Jason feels at work. Everything about Jason’s acting perfectly shows his unhappiness through the dragging of his feet across the ground to the sigh and frown that spands his whole demeanour when he sits down at his desk, the camera close-up to this obvious example of misery. This is how I would imagine Bernard’s demeanour around the workplace, where I think the key, which Signs captures so precisely is the contrast between Jason and his co-workers. Elly the writer of our script went even further with Bernard’s character by making him older- left behind by his generation and also the advancements in technology, there is more at stake- people have lost respect for him.
The charm of Signs is the way so much is conveyed through action; the dialogue at the absolute bare minimum, which is also captured by Elly in this script, especially in the last scene as I have discussed previously. I went on Elly’s blog and also saw that she had made a comment about Signs saying the things she liked about it was the thwarted desire when Jason’s love interest disappears. Instead of love Elly uses gluttony in her script, which represents routine in Bernard’s character disrupted by Jonathan, who’s motivation is to mock and destroy Bernard’s happiness.
I will continue to look for short works as well as longer works in terms of getting ideas for our production. It’s not about stealing ideas it’s about gaining knowledge and researching. Thinking about what is the best way to do things in terms of turning Elly’s script into sound and vision.
Our group has decided on DOUGHNUT as our script. The process that we took in order to choose this script was by going through the scripts that we liked and then finding crossovers between our seperate lists. Our crossovers were:
DOUGHNUT
SHORT FILM SCRIPT
HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL?
DIAMOND DOGS
GLUTTONOUS GIRL
We decided on Doughnut because it fitted all our set criterias. We wanted to choose something that was challenging and was also achievable. It is achievable because it firstly fits the original script criteria of being in one location, having 3 characters (a few minor parts but nothing that’s unachievable). We all agreed that we liked the fact that it didn’t rely heavily on dialogue, but said a lot through action, such as the final scene having the main character biting through the doughnut with a look of extreme pleasure on his face. I particularly liked the antagonist Jonathon who is typically the swarmy young office employee, and reminded me immediately of Pete a character in Mad Men, who to me is almost the characature of swarmy-ness. Since, I am currently obsessed with this show it seemed fitting to make a short film set in an office environment, so it worked for me quite nicely. The only problem I had was perhaps that the protagonist wasn’t intriguing or interesting enough. However, Eliza pointed out to me he was intriguing because he is a man stuck in a job, confined and controlled by people that are younger than him, which would be a painful and extremely frustrating situation that could lead to a rather irriational moment of desire to eradicate said annoyances. Therefore, this script really pulls together numerous desires; the gluttonous desire of the routine of a weekly doughnut, and the desire to be on top again which has been taken away from him by the younger, less experienced colleagues that surround him.
We went through a few things and came up with some ideas in terms of conveying a sense of being trapped, which can be achieved through drab set design and the confinement of a cubicle environment. Logistically it should be a relatively easy location to set up and also advantageous as it is indoors, and therefore there is no threat of unlikable and typical Melbourne unpredicable weather. In terms of my role of production it ticked all the boxes that I set as my criteria in my previous blog post. In terms of budget it is definitely viable- the only purchase will need to be doughnuts, as all the set design pieces should be viable through group resources. Location scouting as I have previously discussed is achievable, it would be achievable in RMIT itself or any type of office or classroom space. Transportation doesn’t really need to be thought about in detail as yet, but I don’t think we would need to travel far from RMIT to find an office building. In terms of scheduling there is no reason why this film cannot be made in one day it requires one singular location, that relies on action rather than copious amounts of dialogue and there is nothing in it that is overally difficult to achieve. Obviously there will need to be a lot more reading of the script and going into fine detail of everything that we will need to achieve with this script. Therefore we decided that we would (before our next meeting) go through the script in terms of our roles, eg. I will go through the script in terms of my role as producer in a large amount of detail, the sound recordist will go through it in detail and think about what we will need in terms of dialogue, sound fx and music.
Overall, our script decision meeting went really well as we were able to feed off each other and talk in detail about what we liked about the script and how it would work, and also how the script would work logistically as well as creatively. There is also something that Eliza said to watch that has a similar type of character, or more reminded her of the main character in Doughnut, which I will watch and blog about shortly.
Ah I’m feeling a great sense of relief because my script is done, and I’m reasonably happy with it. In light of everything we have learnt about story and screenplay writing I think I have established a script that demonstrates that I have thought about desire, motivation, thwarting desire and character development in terms of driving the script. I also considered genre and setting. The main problem with my script was the ending because it was somewhat unsatisfying as nothing really happened. I wanted to amp up the drama but not to a ridiculous scale because I still wanted to maintain a subdued quality to the drama and keep the anger of both my two characters under a layer of composure that is slowly unwinding and becomes somewhat malicious, particularly from the point of view of Holly. My ending is now a realisation by Ryan that he’s not what he used to be and even though he is keeping all these records as a nostalgic presence in his life it seems hardly worth it anymore, particularly when they’re collecting dust in the corner. However, I also think that it ends on the verge of a compromise. The ending is meant to be sudden. Holly and Ryan are not rational people; they think and decide on feelings and therefore the sudden break of a record that Ryan has always wanted represents the start of a compromise, the start of them being happy together.
In my script I wanted actions to speak louder than words, as that is representative of real drama. I wanted there to be a realness to their struggle and to heighten the sadness. The film is more about being sad than being angry. The setting highlights this through the tacky furniture and the confinement, which also builds the drama as small confined spaces put people on edge. In terms of a producer’s perspective it also makes filming easier when there is one somewhat small location. The cheap and tacky interior emphasises the fact that he is truly spending a large percentage of their money on records, it’s not just him affecting himself, it’s him affecting both of them. It also needed to expand beyond the records into a lifestyle, which is pinpointed at the end by the P.O.V. shot from Ryan’s perspective in which he realises the extent of his obsession not only with records but with the past. The money struggle deepens the problem of his obsession and the simple task of collecting Holly’s dry cleaning carries a poignant message that 1. he puts his records above Holly and 2. that getting a job is important to Holly and by not picking up her dry cleaning he is showing that he doesn’t care about what is important to her. It also emphasises their lack of money and more her financial independance- “you’re spending all our money.”
Holly’s malicious attack on Ryan is a result of the pent up anger she feels against himl; it is meant to be somewhat stupid and pathetic, but highlights how she seeks him to pay more attention to her and subsequently shows how much she pays attention to him- she knows the record that he has been wanting for ages. Her revenge is well thought through and builds up the drama as she owns something that he wants- it sends him spiralling. However, this act by Holly backfires when she fully realises that these records actually hold a large significance for Ryan, larger than she could ever imagine, highlighted by her saying to herself ‘this means so much to you, so much to you’ and when she attempts to break the record she cracks “I want you to show me that this doesn’t mean more to you than anything else, but I look at you and it’s all you can think about.” As much as it is her cracking, it is filled with a numbing sadness and a sense of envy. She has realised that perhaps he will always choose those records and more that life over her.
Ryan’s last action of cracking the record is a very poignant act against that life and the records, which resolves the film. It is the first time that he realises how much his records have taken up and how little his wife has. The breaking of the record shows this rather than tells this, which works better, because one small action can express exactly how he feels.
So I’m going to deviate away from sound for just a second, and talk about something that has helped me with my script regarding thwarting desire. I saw the Hurt Locker the other night and there is this fantastic maybe 10 minute scene in which there is this constant thwarting of desire, in which things keep going wrong. The scene is when they meet other soldiers and come under attack. It is very intense as a few soldiers have already been killed. William and Sergeant Jt Sanborn are lying low with a gun aiming at the house where the attackers are hiding also shooting at them. It is here that these is this tense scene, involving running out of bullets. Sanborn notices he has no bullets, when aiming a the house and therefore asks Owen who is hiding lower down, he doesn’t have any either. Therefore desire is thwarted and suspense builds, there is no defence against the attackers if they can’t shoot. William tells Owen to see if one of the dead soldiers has any bullets on him, which he does. It is this moment when there is a sense of relief as there is now a defence against the attackers. However, again desire is thwarted as there is blood on the bullets, which jam the gun. Suspense builds again because they are unarmed. William tells Owen to rub the blood off the bullets, which is a problem for Owen as he is literally cleaning the blood of a dead man off the bullets, which is upsetting. Suspense is building because Owen is taking a long time to rub off the blood and needs motivation from William to do it. Eventually he rubs it off and they gain a sense of relief as they are now armed. This is a great scene because suspense is built so easily through the inability for the characters to reach the desire of having a weapon to defend themselves. If it was only one thing that stopped them from getting bullets then there wouldn’t be as much suspense, however with the build up of things going wrong it really creates this fear for the audience.
I learnt a lot from this in consideration for my own script because the main problem that there was not enough drama and therefore I wanted to amp the drama up by making it more difficult for Ryan to achieve his desire. His desire is to get the record he has always wanted, however this is thwarted by his wife who firstly buys it, which makes it appear that he easily reaches his desire. Yet, she doesn’t let him have it (thwarts desire), she then plays the record and then turns it off when he enters the room (he gets more frustrated) and finally she threatens to break the record (which sets Ryan over the edge). This build up of frustration makes the script more dramatic and therefore more entertaining for the audience.
Filed under: reflection | Tags: brainstorming, formatting, script, short film
CeltX is the greatest download ever, everyone should use it to write their scripts it’s AMAZING. It does all the formatting for you, especially putting in all the appropriate indentations and the continued elements. However, the reading from last week is still really important because you need it for all the parenthesis stuff and how to do flashbacks and so forth. However, it terms of time saving CeltX is great and allows you to save as a pdf file. It also allows you to view your script in several ways, where you can single out the dialogue and the action if you just want to work on one or the other, and futher allows you to single out just one character’s dialogue so it’s pretty terrific.
I thought that I just needed to start writing my script otherwise I never would start because I know what I’m like. I just jumped on the computer and began. I continuously wrote for around 2 hours I think and good about 4 and a half pages of drafting. It is not over-looked in anyway, however I’m really happy with my storyline, which I have again modified in response to Christine’s suggestions. Basically, I need Ryan’s desire to be thwarted even further if she just sold his records that would be it so I made it that she bought the record that he want more than anything but tells him he cannot have it because by not having it it will prove to her that she is more important than his records. Ryan then because he thinks that she is telling him that if he finds the record he can have it searches for it and returns to find her with divorce papers in hands and therefore it is this great moment where he has the record and she has the divorce papers and they just look at each other. However, just thinking about it now I’ve changed my mind about a few things. Firstly, in my script (which you can find the draft of here) it is revealed to the audience before it is revealed to Ryan about the divorce papers. However, I think there will be way more drama if the camera follows Ryan on his search and returns and the audience finds out at the same time as Ryan, so it creates a twist and inherently makes it more DYNAMIC. I also need to go back through both character’s dialogue to make sure there is nothing that doesn’t sit true to the character. I also think that it might be unnecessary to have the other record room, because I might be able to keep the location to a singular room, which would be easier and require less production design.
I mean still there is a lot of work to do, it is just an initial drafting effort, but atleast it’s a start. I’ll keep you posted. On a final note BLADE RUNNER has a fantastic opening screen description that I read on script-o-rama of course. It is filled with highly visual language and I feel like I can see the scene, because it is so visually detailed using metaphor, it’s beautifully dynamic. It also stimulates some ideas for my scene descriptions. I really want to add temperature to my scene, a sense of the weather because I want to create a large amount of tension between the characters, even before they begin arguing, this also leads me to believe that maybe the house should be messy. I want the situation to be fuelled and dramatic, but not over the top. It’s kind of instinctive as well. The characters are stuck in something they can’t escape.
It's magnified and deeply revealed. Flecks of green
and yellow in a field of milky blue. Icy filaments
surround the undulating center.
The eye is brown in a tiny screen. On the metallic
surface below, the words VOIGHT-KAMPFF are finely
etched. There's a touch-light panel across the top
and on the side of the screen, a dial that registers
fluctuations of the iris.
The instrument is no bigger than a music box and sits
on a table between two men. The man talking is big,
looks like an over-stuffed kid. "LEON" it says on
his breast pocket. He's dressed in a warehouseman's
uniform and his pudgy hands are folded expectantly in
his lap. Despite the obvious heat, he looks very cool.
The man facing him is lean, hollow cheeked and dressed
in gray. Detached and efficient, he looks like a cop
or an accountant. His name is HOLDEN and he's all
business, except for the sweat on his face.
The room is large and humid. Rows of salvaged junk
are stacked neatly against the walls. Two large fans
whir above their heads.
This week’s reading was on Script Formatting and Layout, which I found a bit tedious to read because there are so many rules, well a lot of rules. However, it does give some hints about what to do and what not to do in terms of some story elements, which I think could be quite helpful for when I officially begin writing my screenplay. Overall, I got from this reading that you need to be extremely specific, but at the same time do not control the director too much. For example, if you want to have a flashback make sure that it is absolutely necessary in terms of moving the script forward. In fact, I think that you need to apply this to every aspect of your script, asking yourself is that moment vital? Does it progress the plot?
There was also something important mentioned about using montage and that was to try exposition instead. I wasn’t really sure what the reading meant by this and therefore I looked it up and found that it meant a revealing of past events through dialogue to create context. It is also less time consuming than montage, because montage means that you have to set up a lot of seperate shots and since we’re only filming in one day it would seem unnecessary.
Another few tips were to never go straight into the dialogue you need to describe the setting first. Scene description is all about being economic- ‘ensure the description sets the tone of the scene- setting, action and characters- while simultaneously using as few words as possible.’ Again this refers to vitality, don’t include anything that doesn’t matter. The setting is there to create a sense of atmosphere and create expectations for the audience. To go further with this in terms of launguage, films are visual so the reading suggests that you ‘look for words and phrases which will truly evoke visuals and models for the reading.’ When people read your script you really want them to gain a sense of what you want the story to look like, this can only be achieved through visual language.
The P.O.V shot is something that I truly love in film I love feeling like I am the person it builds up this great sense of suspense because the audience can only see what the character is seeing. In terms of the correct way to use this device in script writing is to use the characters name followed by P.O.V, for example: ‘ANGIE’S P.OV: ANTON rushes up the front path.’
Another tip, which I didn’t know about was NEVER use ellipses (…), which I have always used when script writing, not good Hannah. If you want to indicate a pause in speech it says to either use (beat)*, which personally confuses me or something like “a pause” or “long pause,” which I like better, because it wouldn’t confuse me.
There was also some really good bits about dialogue, especially concerning parenthesis and how it suggests that actions preceeding dialogue will suggest the nature of delivery. This is shown in the script for Cinema Paradiso (1988), in which there is very little parenthesis, and a lot of the dialogue conveys the mood. Here is the excerpt from Drew’s Script-o-Rama:
MARIA ...Salvatore, that's right, Salvatore. Di Vita Salvatore ...But, miss, what do you mean you don't know him?!...I...Yes... (She gives a nervous sigh. She has dialed her way through endless numbers but still hasn't managed to speak to Mr. Di Vita. She finally heaves a sigh of relief.) ...That's right, good for you! Oh!...yes...And I'm his mother. I'm calling from Sicily. Been trying all day...Ah, he's not there...But would you be so kind as to give me...?...Yes... (She nods at another woman around forty sitting nearby: it is LIA, her daughter, who jots down the numbers her mother dictates:) ...Six, five, six, two, two, oh, six...Thanks ever so much...Goodbye. Goodbye. She hangs up, takes the number LIA has jotted down, determined to have still another try. LIA speaks to her as if she were a baby, to be more convincing.
The emotions are conveyed through numerous devices in this excerpt, without explicitly saying she talks with sadness or a whisper. All of the elipsises mount to exasperation and nervousness, she is pausing a lot and because she cannot find someone she is looking for. You feel a sense of anger, highlighted by the explanation mark; what do you mean you don’t know him?! You feel the exasperation and anger. This is further emphasised by actions in parenthesis; ‘she gives a nervous sigh.’ The action emphasises her feelings, without saying she is exasperated, the script shows through visual writing that she is exasperated. The next part shows a shift in mood from exasperation to hope, which isn’t indicated explicitly, but is emphasises yet again through parenthesis; ‘She finally heaves a sigh of relief’ and exclamation; ‘good for you!’ These both indicate relief and happiness there is an obvious mood change. To me this is the key to good script writing, you have to show rather than tell. The director who reads your script is not dumb, they will understand you don’t need to spell everything out. For the next few days I’m going to continue to read through some scripts to really get an idea of how to write dynamically.
In terms of all those formatting guidelines they speak for themselves and I should be able to write me script on word quite well. However, on a general blog browse of fellow media students I saw that Glenn has found a free script-writing program called CeltX, which formats the page for you and also has according to Glenn other film organising functions, which could be incredibly helpful, since I am producing my film. I will definitely look into downloading this program.
Source: Cook, D 2007, ‘Script Formatting & Layout.’
I found the feedback I got from my synopsis in credibly helpful and really exactly what I needed to make my script more dynamic and more dramatically interesting, rather than just concluding a full rounded film. Here is the feedback I got:
- make the wife more spiteful, build up the tension further and further- Christine suggested that by the wife simply just selling the records it concludes the drama and there is nothing to take it any further, she suggested that I make the wife more malicious, by giving him some type of task, like a deadline- you can’t finish the collection of that artist. Ruby added to this further by saying that perhaps the wife wants something from Ryan and wont let him buy a record until he does that for her. I really need to think about this because I think stopping Ryan from doing something will really send him crazy and heighten the drama.
- Christine also suggested that I could have an open ending, which because of all this talk about resolution I thought I really needed to tie up the ending. Christine however said that my film sounded too much like Act One, where the rest of the film Ryan would be trying to win her back. She suggested that perhaps it ends with the wife in the process of leaving Ryan, but has not actually left yet. I’m imagining the ending being them still in tension sitting next to each other on a couch, her with divorce papers in her hands and him with a record. There is no conclusion, but it is at the verge of a conclusion.
- I also got some feedback when Christine said to another person in the class that she could tell that my approach to my film was an Engligh, Frenchy approach, which I had not taken into much consideration. I like films about relationships because I think they’re really interesting, especially about love and marriage and things like that, which come up a lot in French and English films, they are bounded by relationships. Relationships drive the film. In thinking about my film I want to make it quirkier, especially through Ryan there is something quite quirky about people that are obsessed with collecting things and I want my short film to almost be a battle between his wife and him. He has to make a choice, because she has forced him too. Therefore there is also a pyschological battle going on in Ryan’s head, do his record’s mean more than his marriage?
- Another bit of feedback I got from Christine when she was talking to someone else concerned consequences, what is at stake? This is easy for Ryan, he has two things at stake- his record collection and his marriage. However, it is more than that when people collect things it is nostalgic, it reminds them of something and keeps reminding them of something that they really enjoy and get a lot of happiness from. I want their marriage to be at breaking point, I want my film to capture a moment of crisis. He will come home with a record instead of some petty bit of furniture, which sends his wife into a spiteful rage, in which she declares that she won’t allow him to buy any more records, until he does some type of huge favour for her, or something like that. This leads to termoil because Ryan has bought atleast one record a week for his whole life, and now she has cracked and said no more. This puts Ryan into a world he hasn’t been in before and as he attempts to do his wife a favour all he can think about is records, and therefore avoids doing the favour as he is completely lost in his own self pity and his wife feels no sympathy towards him, in fact she quite enjoys it. When Ryan cracks and buys a record instead of the favour his wife almost pyschotically starts signing divorce papers, the last scene ends with her with divorce papers and him with a record sitting and staring at one another.
However, I want neither of these characters to be that strong in character they are quirky, but they’re not brave and they do things instinctively. Therefore her rage is almost out of nowhere, because she is so fed up. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the lamp. I need to keep thinking and really establish the core of the conflict. However, I kinda want the whole thing to be kinda petty.
To his wife’s dismay Ryan’s passion has always been records, his collection being his pride and joy. One day when Ryan comes home with a record instead of buying a lamp for his wife a full blown argument escalates. Out of a jealous fit of rage his wife packs up and sells all records, which devastates Ryan.
As Ryan seeks all his lost possessions, he is oblivious to the fact that his wife is packing her things, organising divorce papers and has already left by the time Ryan discovers the truth. On finding the divorce papers he returns to his retrieved collection and starts playing a record, as the song plays out he realises that perhaps he is happier without her.
It’s really just something shorter, and something a little more pithy. It gets more to the point.
Ryan’s passion has always been records, his collection being his pride and joy. However, when Ryan comes home with a record instead of a wedding present, his wife decides to seek the perfect revenge. Ryan is shattered, leaves his wife and recovers all his lost records. As he marvels at his new collection, there is one sad truth; he has nothing else.
SO again I have decided to slightly change my storyline, it’s because I think about this way too much and I keep thinking of ways to improve my story. I decided that it would be completely unrealistic for him to leave his wife, because it would be something that he wouldn’t ever think of doing as his life revolves around his record collection. Therefore I really need to change my synopsis. The aim is to still keep the sympathy with Ryan; I think this will be the hardest part of my story. However, I think this could be resolved around clever casting and an innocent almost naive persona. I really need to go into the tedious details of his character. I decided what would happen is that his wife would crack the shits as this would be the last thing to push her over the edge. However, in keeping the sympathies with Ryan I need to make it slightly petty as well. I don’t think a wedding present works because it could confuse the audience, especially when I write it in my synopsis, so for now I will leave it as a favour that Ryan forgot about and instead buys a record. She then sells all his records out of spite and also envy because he always gave the records more attention than she did him. When Ryan comes home to find all his records gone he goes into a mad fit of haing to re-build his collection in which his wife has finally had enough, again he has chosen his records over her. As Ryan obsessively compulsively re-builds his collection his is oblivious to the fact that his wife is currently in the process of leaving him. This could be shown in the background or in parallel scenes. However, I thought it would create this dramatic irony if the audience knows that she is leaving him, when he doesn’t. The bitter-sweet ending revolves around Ryan finding divorce papers, discovering that his wife has left him and returning to his room fulled with records. As he pulls out and puts on a record you cannot tell whether he’s sad or happy. His records mean everything to him but was it worth being with his wife. The resolution lies in the re-building of his record collection.
Ryan comes home and immediately enters a room that encompasses a large amount of records, he opens his bag and places his brand new record neatly into his collection. He greets his wife in the lounge room and they pleasantly exchange conversation, until she asks him if he bought the lamp he was meant to be getting that day. This leads to a full-blown argument that escalates into his wife pressuring him into choosing her over his records, which, due to his obsession he cannot do. Out of a jealous fit of rage his wife packs up all his records and sells them, which horrifies Ryan, and again they argue, where Ryan simply decides to re-build his entire collection. As Ryan seeks all his lost possessions, he is oblivious to the fact that his wife is packing her things, organising divorce papers and has already left by the time Ryan discovers the truth. On finding the divorce papers he returns to his beloved collection of records and starts playing a record, as the song plays out he realises that maybe he is happier.
FIrstly it is important to know what a synopsis is. On Dictionary.com it describes a synopsis as:
a brief or condensed statement giving a general view of some subject
In terms of my short screenplay it will be a condensed version of the script itself, a brief outline of the beginning, middle and end. Christine in our tutorial said to make them as brief as possible, consisting of 2-3 sentences, which should be achievable considering our films are only 5 minutes long. I found a really good site that outlined the process of making a film synopsis, even though it described how to write a synopsis for a feature length film it still applies for a short film as well. It outlines 3 steps, in which it says to divide your film into three equal parts the first third, second third and the last third. It says to start by identifying the main character and core conflict. The main aim of the synopsis is to sell the film, it is the first thing the producer will read and if they don’t like it they wont read your script. After outlining the main character and conflict the site says to:
divulge the major plot points that transpire in the first act of your film.
Ok, so when thinking about my storyline, say my film is 5 minutes long so the first third will be just over a minute and a half. It will being with an equilibrium of Ryan coming home to his wife, where the camera presents a picturesque lifestyle- clean house, etc. The camera shows rooms of the house including a room filled with records and presents as pleasant conversation between Ryan and his wife after he comes home from being out. However, what escalates by the end of this act is that his wife asks him if he got a present for her friends wedding, in which he replies that he instead got a record to add to his collection. Actually I’ve slightly changed this idea, what is first presented to the audience is Ryan coming home with a record and placing it in his record collection in a room before he visits his wife in the loungeroom in which the argument escalates and she goes completely insane at Ryan somewhat unnecessarily. This is the end of the first act. The beginning of their argument.
In the second third of your synopsis according to eHow says to:
Escalate the suspense and risks in your second paragraph
in which it also says to:
only tell us the key scenes and turning points that influence the lead character’s actions. We don’t need to know what any of the peripheral players are doing or every single stop the protagonist makes between Point A and Point B unless it factors into complicating the problem or contributing to its solution.
This is where the conflict should really play out, with a sense of some type of resolution coming right at the end. This section in my film will continue a large fight between wife and Ryan, showing him leaving the house because he doesn’t understand why his wife cannot accept his love of records, and when I say she goes insane I mean it, she completely flips out at him. The end of this scene shows him returning to his house and finding all his records gone, his wife has sold all his records out of spite. Due to this being the height of the conflict, this is the end of the second act.
The third act described by eHow is:
Escalate the suspense and risks yet again in your third paragraph
However, this becomes less apparent because it is a short story there is no time to keep escalating things, you need to get to a resolution. Ryan packs his things and leaves his wife and the next short bit shows him recollecting all his records. Showing him in a fast-forward type of mode filling a room with records again. The conclusion shows him sitting in a room with all his records smiling. However the bitter irony is that he has nothing else, as the camera shows all the other rooms in his house as empty. There is resolution, however there is also something sad about it. His records meant everything to him, that he sacrificed the rest of his life.
There is one more tip that eHow points out and that is:
Too many writers treat the synopsis exercise as if it were a third-grade book report and include cutesy comments such as, “If you want to find out what Farmer McGregor did to the bunnies after they stole his vegetables, you will have to read it yourself.” An agent or production company wants to know that YOU know how to finish the story and that it is a satisying one that ties up all of the loose ends.
I didn’t really know this. I thought there might need to be some type of mystery, however the synopsis really needs to show that you know exactly what your talking about and to what point your script is going to go to. This is my first draft for my synopsis, where I have included all the main plot points:
Ryan’s passion has always been records, his collection being his pride and joy. However, when Ryan comes home with a record instead of a wedding present, his wife decides to seek the perfect revenge. Ryan is shattered, leaves his wif and recovers all his lost records. As he marvels at his new collection, there is one sad truth; he has nothing else.
It still seems a bit clunky to me, however I will keep working on it.
